The Journaling Journey: Reflections
Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back everything is different?
- C.S Lewis
In October of 2020, I started building a habit of daily journaling. Before that, I was a person who did little self-reflection and thought management. I felt like a lost soul living on a day to day basis, with no direction on what I wanted and should be working towards. I was easily jealous of others and discontent with myself. Needless to say, I also didn’t know myself well in many areas such as dating, career and aspirations.
All that changed when I started journaling almost every night. It has been 61 entries so far and counting. The changes in myself weren’t revolutionary, but they were good changes nonetheless.
I started thinking beyond topics of everyday life.
My diary entries used to read like this: “I did x and y with w and z today. I also did a b c with so and so later.” While logging memories down is good, it is also important to write on insights or questions that extend past our day-to-day activities. For instance, what do we look for in a partner? What is the purpose I would like to live according to, to live a life I define as good? What are my strengths and what would I like to develop next? Am I truly happy in my job? The list goes on.
Unfortunately for humans, what is out of sight is usually out of mind. Since I didn’t use to write on such topics, I didn’t think on them. Now that I do, my answers are so much clearer these days, leading to a better understanding of myself. I highly recommend bouncing journal prompts off friends if you’re lost for ideas. There will also definitely be days when something provokes your thoughts, so whatever insights or thoughts you have on it should definitely be penned down.
From there, I finally realized what I wanted in a career…
As mentioned above, I was easily jealous. Jealous of peers working in cool companies (e.g. e-commerce, banking, tech MNCs) with salaries and benefits way better than mine. I didn’t like it one bit. However, I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why I felt that way.
I was once told that being jealous was an indication of not knowing what I wanted for myself. It turned out to be very true. Since I didn’t know what I wanted, the only way I could measure myself was by comparing myself to others based on outdated markers of success such as salaries and job titles.
After a month of writing, I finally understood my aspirations and desires. I wrote down what I wanted out of life for the next few years or so, and how I envisioned a job would help me achieve it. I always thought I wanted money and admiration in my career when all I wanted was liberation and fulfilment in order to be happy. What I needed wasn’t a higher pay — but an opportunity to explore and try new things so that I can become financially independent in the future.
When one seeks happiness by chasing higher salaries, the infinite and ever-increasing nature of money guarantees that they will never find it. Success is also too broad a word to be encapsulated by just money or title alone. Being able to look past this was quite a breakthrough for me.
I’m no longer envious of people’s job titles and salaries, and became very content with my life’s journey. I was finally able to appreciate that each person is on their own journey and mine is just not meant to be like others’.
These realizations translated into solutions.
From writing about these topics, I also began to uncover numerous other faults of my own. But hey, it’s only when you recognize a problem can you move forward to address it right? Since I knew the sources of my unhappiness, it was only natural to address them.
I started taking steps to curb issues identified, such as trying out new ways to get around a busy social life while meeting my own needs. Instead of letting everyone take up my time, I set aside sorely needed time to work on my own personal projects (such as writing on Substack). I’ve never felt freer, despite a schedule that was still mostly filled up with activities. The best part? I’ve lost zero friendships by doing this.
Self awareness is a great thing, but solving issues is even better.
How I Did It
Every night, after I was done drying my hair, I’d sit at my desk and write. It started out as a paragraph at first, but gradually expanded to a page.
I tracked my journal daily by using my notebook from The Kind Friend. It has a habit tracker for every week which makes it a lot easier since I just have to cross out the days I journaled. To me, it gave a small sense of accomplishment seeing the days get checked off. Before I knew it, I had already written more than 50 entries.
Any habit tracker works as long as there’s a way for you to track the days which you’ve written, like a calendar. There are plenty of apps out there that can help you with this too!
If you’d like for me to suggest you a few topics to start of with, here are some:
- What is success to you?
- How are you feeling, exactly?
- What are my deal breakers in a partner?
If you’re feeling generous and would like to support an aspiring writer/artist/person trying her best, do consider dropping some spare change at my Ko-fi page!
